I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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