This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
