Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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