i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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