You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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