you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
