i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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