I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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