Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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