Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
