Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
