I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
