My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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