You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
