Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
