Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
