yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
