yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
