Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
