Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Someone signed my nipple.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
