I think I died a long time ago.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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