I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
