His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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