I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Life without a bra equals bliss.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
