Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
