Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
