I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
