Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
