Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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