it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
50% drunk capacity currently
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
