i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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