He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
