Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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