Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
