At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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