umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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