he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
