Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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