Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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