I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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