I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
