hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
