Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
