Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
