i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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