So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
