I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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