he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
