So drunk its hurt
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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