i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
