I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
