no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
