He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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